he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....