He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk