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He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
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