he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.