I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
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Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
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I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.