Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (586)

Last Night in Michigan (586)

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He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.

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(586): He played pinball with my ovaries. He won. http://tfl.nu/otpy

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So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.

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(586): So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER. http://tfl.nu/hlts

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Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"

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(586): Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face" http://tfl.nu/ajht

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We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.

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(586): We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate. http://tfl.nu/plc2

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My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.

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(586): My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage. http://tfl.nu/u2i7

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Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.

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(586): Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country. http://tfl.nu/f3mx

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I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.

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(586): I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print. http://tfl.nu/m0e5

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I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.

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(586): I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food. http://tfl.nu/52ze

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you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer

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Ok let me change into clothes i can run in

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(586): you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer (1-586): Ok let me change into clothes i can run in http://tfl.nu/bmel

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It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.

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(586): It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying. http://tfl.nu/5saj

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Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.

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(586): Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie. http://tfl.nu/2smm

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Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.

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(586): Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba. http://tfl.nu/rgqz

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Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?

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(586): Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed? http://tfl.nu/l7cc

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and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship

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(586): and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship http://tfl.nu/q3ik

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LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT

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(586): LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT http://tfl.nu/bpk7

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Last Night in Michigan (586)

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