Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Iowa (515)

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  I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"

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  (515): I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone" http://tfl.nu/9mhp
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  We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place

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  I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck

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  (515): We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place (1-515): I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck http://tfl.nu/93u8
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  Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day

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  (515): Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day http://tfl.nu/z36i
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  When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?

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  (515): When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education? http://tfl.nu/w56v
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  I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.

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  (515): I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom. http://tfl.nu/zme8
  Replies (0) Good night (397) Bad night (238)
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  After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm

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  (515): After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm http://tfl.nu/0xl4
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  Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....

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  (515): Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity.... http://tfl.nu/stin
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  Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.

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  (515): Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen. http://tfl.nu/hels
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  He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.

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  (515): He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real. http://tfl.nu/6hyc
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  Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over

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  (515): Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over http://tfl.nu/s97w
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  Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.

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  (515): Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away. http://tfl.nu/jux9
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  I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.

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  (515): I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again. http://tfl.nu/zet2
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  He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?

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  (515): He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for? http://tfl.nu/vbci
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  He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.

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  (515): He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse. http://tfl.nu/kc12
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  Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.

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  (515): Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use. http://tfl.nu/510e
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