Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I came so hard my ears popped.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too