Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger