Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
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He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
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she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.