I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars