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Last Night in Iowa (515)

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I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.

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(515): I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes. http://tfl.nu/92xn

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Why am I always the sober one?

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Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...

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(515): Why am I always the sober one? (641): Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power... http://tfl.nu/bz1n

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Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story

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(515): Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story http://tfl.nu/kctl

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He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.

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(515): He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up. http://tfl.nu/h6j3

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I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?

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(515): I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life? http://tfl.nu/j85t

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It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.

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(515): It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them. http://tfl.nu/9jno

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We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?

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(515): We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences? http://tfl.nu/xlpv

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I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.

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(515): I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that. http://tfl.nu/ig7j

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I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.

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(515): I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower. http://tfl.nu/kyot

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I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.

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(515): I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor. http://tfl.nu/c5bv

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This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.

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(515): This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity. http://tfl.nu/l9v1

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They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.

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(515): They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form. http://tfl.nu/tu4k

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P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready

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(515): P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready http://tfl.nu/rgh6

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I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!

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(515): I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th! http://tfl.nu/5xz8

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She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during

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(515): She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during http://tfl.nu/5f1x

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Last Night in Iowa (515)

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