Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.