Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.