She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I party with great urgency now.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.