The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
30+ People Share Their Worst ‘Intimate Experience’ And They’re Traumatizing
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?