Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter