You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.