Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
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Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.