Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
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She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
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Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......