I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid