You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun