I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.