Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.