I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.