He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.