I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
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I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
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Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?