His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.