Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
