You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping