They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"