They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
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He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"