I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
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Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen