Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I told you penises don't tan
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.