Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.