I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.