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We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
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