Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."