i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
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bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now