The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
i drank out of a bidet.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.