Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me