Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me