I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.