God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
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He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.