yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.