Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno