Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.