I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well