Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny