The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass