Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it