I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
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Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..