I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..