I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911