just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"