I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex