I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex