I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes