Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
