You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.