swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.