I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.