I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight