Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
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he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".