I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
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I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.