These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors